Guest Post: Reflections on Marriage in the Context of Community

Sarah is my lovely, amazing, beautiful friend whom I live with in community alongside her awesome husband Robert and their adorable son Joshua! I asked her to write a guest post about living as a married person in community, and these are her thoughts. Enjoy! 


Disclaimer: I would just like to say that this is not a holistic or definitive discussion about what it is like to live in community as a married person. It is simply a reflection on one aspect of how living in community has impacted my marriage. There are challenges and many other aspects involved that are not discussed in this post. 

When we first moved into community a year ago, my husband and I were not really sure what we were getting into. We were excited, yet nervous at the same time and at times even a little scared. How would this impact our marriage? How would our relationship function in this new context? Would we struggle? Would living in community expose the ugly parts of us in a way that would be damaging?   

We had lots of questions but we were ultimately happy and eager to be walking in obedience to what we felt God was calling us to. Little did we know that we would get pregnant within the first month of living in community. This created its own set of stressors and raised many more questions which Megan might address in a later post. With that said, to our wonderful surprise and the graciousness of God, living in community has become a great blessing and gift to my husband and I. Living in community helped prepare my husband and I to become parents.

No, Megan is not like a child to us. She is a fully functioning adult who is incredibly responsible and mature for her age. However, living with another person has caused a very positive refining in our marriage which equipped us to be better parents. Living with Megan has made us conscious about more intentionally stewarding an atmosphere of peace in our home that is free of strife and discord. We do not always do this perfectly, but we have been much more aware of this then when we were first married and living on our own. We are more careful about how and what we speak to each other. We try our best not to argue in front of Megan (although I am sure we have done this on some occasions). As a result, what, in the past, would have been a heated argument in the moment often turns into a much calmer discussion later behind closed doors. My husband and I fight far less since we started living in community a year ago. 

No, we are not just suppressing things or being fake. We do still argue sometimes and continue to have very deep, challenging, and sometimes intense discussions both individually and as a community. With this said, we have learned how to pick our battles and often chose to not engage in a certain conversation because we know it will not go anywhere and is simply a waste of our energy and time. We have learned to say sorry, and forgive more quickly.

 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 

Ephesians 4:2-3

We are aware that the love, unity, and connection in our marriage not only affects our lives but Megan’s also. The responsibility of this has caused us to nurture and protect our marriage more and this made our transition to becoming parents much easier. I think most parents desire to raise their child in a peaceful and nurturing environment.  This is not always an easy thing to achieve and often requires a steep learning curve and ultimately no family can do this perfectly. Yet, we have had a lot of good practice by living in community, which has made our learning curve easier.  Living in community has given us the grace we need to walk out one of the main things God has called us to do in this season: be parents. For this we are so grateful.  

When we put our trust in God and walk in obedience to what He is leading us to do, even if we don’t understand we are given the opportunity for massive growth in our character, relationship with the LORD and with others. Have you ever had to put your trust in God and walk in obedience even when you did not understand or felt scared? What did this look like for you?